The Role Of The Guardian

_{Image by Sven Lachmann from Pixabay}

When the shit hits the fan, there is a certain type of person you want in your corner. This person is loyal to a fault, good in a crisis, competent, capable, and fearless. They are the person you call when you’ve been in an accident, fired, or arrested. You call them when your depression has taken a turn for the worse, you’re mid panic attack, or when you’re simply feeling hopeless and helpless. When this person shows up you feel an immediate sense of relief. A sense of security and protection. When they walk into the hospital room you say “Thank god you’re here”. I call this person The Guardian.

The Guardian refers to the term ‘guardian dog’, which is a dog whose sole job is to protect his flock. Used by livestock farmers, a guardian dog is a looming physical presence the size of a wolf. He lives with the flock, he becomes part of it, and the other animals know him and trust him. He spends most of his time simply living his life amongst his flock. But when threats arise, when predators come around, the guardian dog transforms into a protector. It’s his job to keep his flock safe. He is there to deal with threats, and once he has dispatched the threat he goes back to his place with the flock. Calm, collected, and ready for next time.

---

If what you’ve read so far has brought a specific person to mind, someone in your life who you can rely upon in this way, count yourself lucky. And know that the guardian in your life wants to be there. They want to fulfill that role for you. If, on the other hand, you’ve read this and nobody comes to mind…I have to tell you something: it’s probably you. You’re the guardian. If you’re in the guardian role I’m betting you already know it on some level, but in case it’s just dawning on you, I want to give you some advice, one guardian to another: 

1. Take care of yourself.  You can’t be there for the people you love and protect if you don’t take care of your own well-being. This means staying healthy physically, mentally, and financially. If people depend on you, you have to be able to depend on yourself. Don’t use your position as a guardian to justify ignoring your own needs. If your needs aren’t met, you can’t be an effective protector. 

2. Resolve your childhood trauma. Like it or not, the specific flavor of your trauma has played a big role in shaping who you are today. I’m not a psychologist, so I can only speak from my own experience, but as guardians, our trauma tends to be that we felt insecure in childhood in some way and that we only felt deserving of love when we were doing something for someone else. Playing the guardian role allows us to take control of our own security and feel worthy of love. This doesn’t invalidate your role as the guardian, but understanding why you’ve gravitated towards this role, and acknowledging what you get out of it, will allow you to fulfill it more effectively. Don’t use your position as a guardian to justify ignoring your own demons.  

3. Know when to stand aside. The people in your flock are not helpless. They are not weaker than you. They simply haven’t developed the skillset that your special flavor of childhood trauma and life experience has developed in you. Their strengths and competencies are different from yours. To respect that, you should become elite at knowing when you should not step in. Your goal is to develop a flock that needs your protection less and less. If your goal is anything else, you aren’t acting in their best interest.

---

As a guardian, you will find that your role evolves over time. When your flock is young your role may entail fighting off playground bullies, as mine did. But as your flock matures the threats against them become more complex. You have to learn how to provide protection and security as your flock faces mental health challenges, physical illnesses, deaths in the family, financial hardships, heartache, legal trouble, etc. Most of the time you can’t stop these things from happening, so your role is to be with your flock as they go through these difficult times. Your role is to be there and to do what you can. Your presence makes the difference.

If you’re a guardian, know that you are needed, wanted, and appreciated. 

You are doing noble work. 

Keep it up.