We’ve all been there.
You’re in a public place, wearing your headphones, and someone starts talking to you. The hairs on the back of your neck stand up. Your heart rate quickens. Who is this rule-flaunting social terrorist and why are they talking to me in the grocery store?! You look over and the terrorist is an old man wearing velcro shoes with his t-shirt neatly tucked into his jeans. You’re both looking at the cereal selection trying to decide what kind of week it’s going to be. Well, that’s what you’re doing, he already knows. He’s gonna go with the same high-fiber cereal he’s eaten for 45 years. It keeps him regular. And THAT is what he is trying to tell you in the grocery store with your headphones on. Unacceptable.
These breaches in headphone etiquette happen in grocery stores, at gas stations, and in gyms across the country every single day. The perpetrators are usually older. They grew up before the Walkman, and certainly before the iPod. In a time when people talked. To strangers. In public. It’s inconceivable to today’s generations. Even triggering. This is because we’ve evolved a sophisticated set of rules that I will call ‘Earbud Etiquette’.
Here they are:
Rule # 1: If Both Ears Are Rockin’, Don’t Come Knockin’
This is the simplest and most important rule. If you see a person wearing both headphones, especially if they are wearing large Beats-style ones, DO NOT ENGAGE. This person does not want to talk. Headphones on both ears may as well be a sign hung around the neck saying ‘DO NOT APPROACH’.
If there’s an emergency, and you need to approach this person, follow these steps:
- Make sure they can see you
- Approach, slowly, from the front
- Make eye contact as you approach
- Offer a non-threatening wave accompanied by an ‘I’m here to help’ smile
- Say what you need to say and be brief
Rule # 2: In One Ear, You’re Sorta Clear
If you encounter a person wearing one earbud, this means they are willing to talk, but they would still rather not. If you approach, keep it relegated to quick salutations and abbreviated small talk. If they want to dive into a full-blown conversation with you they will remove their remaining earbud. If you see this, you are good to gab.
Rule # 3: Both Ears Bare, Get In There
If someone has no headphones in, not even a single earbud, they are inviting conversation. You’re cleared to approach. But be warned, this person is usually a talker. Coming to a public place with no headphones on is a clear signal to the world that they are looking for social interaction. Approach at your own risk.
If what I’ve written here is news to you that’s okay. But you need to do better now that you know. Commit these rules to memory. Internalize them. Put them to use immediately. And as always, if you see something say something.
We can only become an Earbud Etiquette-aware society if we all do our part.
MW 