DISCLAIMER: If you’re reading this right now and you’re experiencing anxiety or depression, if you feel hopeless and helpless, please know that you aren’t alone. Myself and millions of others have been there too. It’s okay that you don’t know how to help yourself. I give you permission to ask for help. There are people out there who want to help you:
- The National Suicide and Crisis Lifeline operates 24/7 and is there for you if you’re experiencing a mental health crisis. Just dial 988.
- Try openpathcollective.org for low-cost therapy (I’m not affiliated. I just like the work they’re doing).
- Your support system. If you’re lucky enough to have people in your life who love you, reach out to them. Don’t suffer in silence. They want you to ask for help.
Finally, this post is not medical advice. It is simply my experience which I have chosen to share.
I’ve been an anxious person for as long as I can remember. As a kid, I was less worried about the monsters under my bed than I was about home invasions or random acts of violence at the grocery store. I’ve spent a lot of time unpacking this and learning about the root causes of my anxieties, but I won’t get into that in this post. In this post, I want to share a small part of my experience with anxiety and the meditation practice that helped me climb out of the pit I was in one excruciating step at a time.
Several years ago my anxiety reached an unbearable level. I experienced a handful of severe panic attacks that resulted in ambulance trips to the hospital. Making matters worse, I was 175lbs overweight, severely depressed, and drinking and smoking like it was my job. These were dark times. The darkest I’ve experienced to this day. I was experiencing thoughts of suicide and I didn’t know how to help myself. I just felt completely hopeless. During one of my trips to the hospital, an ER doctor said something to me that set me on a different trajectory. He said, “Your heart is healthy, you just need to lose the weight. Have you thought about seeing a therapist? There’s no shame in it. Everyone needs a little help from time to time”.
Now, if you aren’t in the midst of a crisis my doctor’s words might easily sound like platitudes. But I was hearing him from the deepest darkest hellhole I had ever experienced. And they were exactly the words I needed to hear. To this day these are the words that have had the most profound impact on my life because, thanks to this doctor, I went to therapy. I realized that I couldn’t help myself and that was okay because I had been given permission to accept help from someone else.
It was in therapy that I was introduced to meditation. In my very first therapy session, my therapist taught me about mindfulness meditation and helped me establish my own practice. I followed his recommendations to the letter and I noticed improvements in my mental health immeadiately. To be clear, while meditation is what I credit for helping the most, I did take medication at first. I used medication as you would crutches if you have a broken ankle. It took the load off and allowed me time and space to heal. Without it, I don’t know if I would have been successful.
Anyways. Back to meditation. Here’s why meditation works, physiologically. *I’m not a Doctor and I don’t play one on TV
When you’re experiencing anxiety, which usually starts with racing thoughts about something we perceive as a threat, your body takes that input and activates your sympathetic nervous system, putting you in “fight or flight” mode. This becomes a vicious feedback cycle, wherein your body responds to your anxious thoughts by physically preparing you for combat (raising your blood pressure and heart rate) which in turn feeds back into your anxiety.
Meditation teaches you to break up this feedback cycle.
Fundamentally, meditation is about calming your mind and relaxing your body. In other words, activating your parasympathetic nervous system. When you activate your parasympathetic nervous system you reduce your blood pressure and heart rate, resulting in a feeling of peace and relaxation.
Here’s a simplified explanation of a mindfulness meditation so you can see what I’m talking about:
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Sit down in a comfortable seat and close your eyes for 10 minutes. During this time, breathe in through your mouth and out through your nose taking deep, slow breaths. As thoughts arise in your mind, recognize them and let them pass. As you breathe, repeat a mantra in your mind. You can pick anything as your mantra, just make it meaningful to you and about 6-10 words in length. Here’s an example:
In through the nose: “I am love”
Out through the mouth: “I am peace”
When the time is up, open your eyes.
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Through this practice, if you meditate every day (or just most days), you will develop the ability to, as needed, trigger your parasympathetic nervous system in response to anxiety. The mantra, in combination with breathing in and out, is the trigger. All you have to do when experiencing anxiety is close your eyes and take a few deep breaths while repeating your mantra. This will activate your parasympathetic nervous system, kicking you out of “fight or flight”, lowering your heart rate and blood pressure, and creating that feeling of calm and relaxation. Developing this trigger is the same as developing any other skill, it takes practice. Meditation is your practice.
Many view meditation as a highly abstract and even spiritual pursuit, and it might be those things, but for me meditation is tactical. It’s with me in the trenches of everyday life. I started meditating twice a day (in the morning and at night) for 15 minutes and it literally changed my life.
This is not hyperbole or exaggeration.
Meditation gave me the tools I needed to feel a sense of control again. To feel hope. And to see a way out of the darkness. In the proceeding months and years, I was able to gain better control over my anxiety and depression, I lost 150lbs, and I quit drinking and smoking. My life completely changed. That’s not to say that I don’t still struggle, I very much do, but the difference is that now I have tools I turn to when I’m in need.
And that has changed everything for me.
If you think meditation could help you I encourage you to try it. You can follow the simple outline above, or, if you’d like to try a more in-depth approach I’ve included a detailed description of my own meditation practice below.
Mindfulness Meditation Practice
1. Getting Started
- Sit in a comfortable chair with your back supported and feet flat on the ground. Your spine should be straight.
- Set a timer for 15 minutes.
- Close your eyes and get comfortable.
- Take two deep breaths. Take in breath slowly and hold for 10 seconds each time.
2. Muscle Relaxation
- Keep your eyes closed.
- Starting with your toes…squeeze them and hold for 10 seconds. Release and wiggle.
- Calves…lift your heels up, keep your toes on the ground, driving your knees towards the ceiling. Hold for 10 seconds and release. Rotate your ankles a little to loosen.
- Quads…driving your feet into the floor, you’ll feel your quads tense up. Hold for 10 seconds and release. Swing your legs a couple times to loosen.
- Hands….make a fist, hold for 10 seconds, then release and wiggle fingers and rotate wrists.
- Forearms….make a fist and flex your forearm. Hold for 10 seconds, then release. Rotate your wrists to loosen.
- Biceps….flex your upper arm, hold for 10 seconds, then release. Wiggle your whole arm to loosen.
- Shoulders….gently lift your shoulders up about an inch. Hold for 10 seconds. When your release, carefully let your shoulders back down…you’ll notice that they are lower than they were when you started.
- Face….scrunch your face and hold for 10 seconds. Wiggle your face to loosen.
- Full body scan….start at the top of your head and work down. Notice any body parts that are still holding tension and relax them if you can.
3. Breathing and Meditation
- Begin breathing in through your nose and out through your mouth.
- On the in breath say the first half of your mantra, and on the out breath say the second half. You could use “I am love, I am peace” or any other mantra you want. Just make sure it’s about 6-10 words.
Mindfulness Notes
- Throughout the whole meditation work on keeping your mind clear. Especially in the breathing portion. Thoughts will enter your mind, try to gently push them away and keep your mind clear. You may need to do this 1000 times in 15 minutes and that’s just fine. You may feel a strong pull to open your eyes, this is okay. Open your eyes gently if you have to, shutting them again when you can.
MW 